Going through sessions of my treatments sometime back....I faced a different me..which was uncontrollable and restless. A soul that had a lot to say...from past to present....
Scared by one dream since years...my night's sleep..had lost its calm. It had been around 9 yrs I had the same dream..I tried to hide the fact from every one I knew..but when it went intolerable had to approach a doctor..but searching for a doctor whom I could talk to was scarier than the dream itself..
Ultimately I found my doctor..who was sweet and a charming lady...Initial days the therapy was normal where she took notes and gave me exercises to perform..then she focussed on my handwriting and found the flaws that affected my cycle of life..Soon she proceeded to my thought process...regular assignments..though my favorite task..of writing..but the subjects left me blank..as if suddenly I forgot my English..Writing was followed by my hobby sketching..but both my page full of words and my colorful sketch left my doctor puzzled... Loneliness is all she could see initially... then she tried to see the hidden meaning and started speaking to me which left her more and more confused each day...
Finally she decided to make me see what I was unable to see... that face she she asked me to search amongst all faces I knew and I didn't know, the face that had answer to my queries but was still faceless... I tried hard..very hard...she gave me all her support and time... but it only left me with a migrain at the end.
Then one fine day she asked me if she had the right to hypnotize me.. and start on with my dream therapy...The first day some incident of childhood..in Vizag..in school had left me hassled was identified..where I had one friend besides me as my pillar of strength..but the fear that had taken its place in my heart is intact till date which has always left me unanswerable at certain point of times when even if I have an explanation to a situation I leave it unanswered...for time to take the action..
Gradually the treatment proceeded but every time her effort to search that particular face in the lot failed...a fear that had not allowed me to sleep since years and the same fear..that panics me...exists in me but my penseive doesn't let me see through its semi permeable membrane..
I had lost my faith in anything but that thought and that face that had caged me since years had not let me see him..a run for my life and the faceless face.. the face of fear...never let me live in peace..and on the other hand there was another thought that am i going insane bothered me a lot. I decided that it would be the last day of my therapies as they are making my life go more complex and more hastened..it was clear in my mind that if I did not get my answer after the therapy I shall not come again... I don't know what went wrong during my sessions that day..and nothing got recorded...when i woke up I saw tears in my doctor's eyes and one sentence she said..never come back...
Since that day I was unable to recollect what I saw and what I said..but one vision of the vanilla sky..and underneath hall of fame....did not leave me...it has been around 4 months when I quit working as an architect and been in search of many answers that I found today... I dreamt of my life a happy life..a giggle that I can bet for ..I saw my childhood days back...and I saw that unknown face of my Saviour....and it gave me a great joy when I saw the face..because it was of that person who is my real life ideal.. and has been there in many crucial points though not physically but his instructions had been my life Saviour..I got the feeling that fear has no face and no place in life as long as i have this Saviour in my life... I first time didn't feel that I need Dad to help me... or even trouble him..because I know who I have... Coincidently I bumped into my my ideal's life a few months back...and since then I don't have my dreams ...those which really scared me.....but now i do have those that any girl after reading Snow white or Cindrella would have. Another face that my Penseive had sketched years back who came into my life searching for me....a life to be completed but will remain incomplete withe these two faces forever.....still a few answered questions and a lot many doubts arise in my heart..
The journey of the Pensieve will never end up even in next life....but has halted now....
